The month we missed

The bon fire commences any minute now. Here's what I'm tossin to the fiery gods of greed:

Lands End - Their spring catalogs all had a new, smaller shape that I really like. Plus their colors are so vibrant and fun. Hard to resist.

L'Occitane - Cherry blossom body lotions and a new line of mineral sunscreens containing Buriti, a natural anti-oxidant oil that protects against free radicals.

Vera Bradley - A summertime red, white and blue pattern for purses and handbags called Seaside Collection. I had to have this purse. One of my few spring splurges.

Grandin Road x2 - Solar fountains and everything for the patio.

Splash (Frontage) - The beach in a book. Poolside paradise. I don't have a pool, so I don't care.

Home Decorators Collection - Who needs furniture when they don't have a house?

Ballard Designs - Ditto.

Crate and Barrel: So beautiful. So unnecessary. But I can't bear to part with it.

MOMA Design Store: Philippe Starck's ghost chairs are such classics. Worth every penny I don't have.

Talbots Accessories: Cute shoes if you're a little bit prissy.

Fair Trade: A log that touts "style with a conscience." That's a bit high-minded, except the clothes are stylish, cute, organic and they paid a fair wage.

Restoration Hardware Home: So thick it's sick. Could possibly keep a homeless person warm all night.

Hammacher Schlemmer: Who needs a performance water cycle? I don't even have a pool.

Retail therapy

I've been ignoring all the catalogs in my mail. I have a stack fit for the firepit. Why? Well, with food shortages and killer cyclones and foreclosure signs everywhere, the Catalogette doesn't quite feel like buying in bulk. I know. Have a pity party and move on, but really, do I need another pair of shoes? Another dish? Another purse? Another dress? Another piece of hand-crafted jewelry? Another 500-ct sheet set?

Short answer: No.
Long answer: No frickin way, but I want it anyways.

The peak of teak

Even before the spring blooms hit the trees, the logs in my mailbox are pushing me outdoors. Believe me, I want to go, but it's rainy and 50 degrees! Which means, I can stay inside and pour over my backlog of catalogs until my eyes bleed. First, it seems everybody has teak furniture on their covers. Lands End (lifetime teak), Pottery Barn (chic teak) and Crate&Barrel (it's actually eucalyptus, but it looks a lot like teak so sue me). I don't own any outdoor teak furniture and I wasn't really feeling left out, but now I am so sad and practically an outdoor outcast. Looks like I need some wood to supplement my iron.

I don't understand the appeal of teak - it's beautiful and rich at first, but it fades to that grayish silver color and then it's time to replace it. Kinda like what happens to women. Alright, so there are some people who like that aged, silvery look. I just don't. I'll stick to my aluminum and wrought iron and weather-resistant wicker.

Shiny, happy paper

The catalog industry is wrestling a paper tiger. Apparently, not only is the cost of paper rising, but also the cost of mailing that paper. With postal rates set to jack up in May, some companies are trying to trim down the size and weight of their products. Less of that thick, shiny stuff and more pulped-out recycled featherweight material.

Does it matter? The environment and the economy aside, do catalog shoppers care whether LL Bean prints on 80-lb or 60-lb sheets? I don't think so - I mean we're not talking Charmin here (yet). As long as the models smile and the products glow, it's probably gonna fly under the radar for most consumers. And places that have the high-end clients, like Tiffany's and Neiman Marcus, are probably just gonna suck it up anyways.

Now, for catalog crazies like me, a thick, super-glossy, coated color sheet of paper is as good as crack. I can't wait to get my nose in it. So I expect to suffer some serious withdrawal. But, hey, there's always scrapbooking.

They call it mello yello

I've never been a big fan of the color yellow, but based on the logs I'm seeing for spring, I better reconsider. Yellow is everywhere - from Pottery Barn to Hammacher Schlemmer. I find yellow rather irritatingly bright and shiny and false. Like, I think people who really love yellow are probably the people who are really dark inside. Why else would you want to steal the sun and wear it on your chest in the form of a sweater set?

Plus, there are so many negative connotations of yellow - heck, in the Middle Ages, yellow was the color of evil! (Sorry, Old Yeller.) It's also the color of sickness as in you're looking a bit "yellow around the gills."

I guess yellow is also a wartime color thanks to Tony Orlando & Dawn and their old oak tree. Maybe that explains its current popularity the best.(And if you don't know who TO&D are, consider yourself lucky!)

Either way, the Yellow Submarine has already left the station and landed in your mailbox. So unless you're a fashion coward, it's time to get on board.

Cheating - the garden variety

I'm sure some of you thought I'd given up the bloglife, but alas, not true. Like, without this silly little blog, how would I define myself? Seriously. I'd have to pay attention to the world around me instead of getting lost in manufactured pages of ideal bliss. That's so not for me.

I did spend nearly two months trying to stick to my catalog-restricted diet. My husband had strict instructions that any catalog in the mail was to be trashed immediately. I did not want to see the new spring shoes at Lands End or the Valentine's Day baubles at Red Envelope. I must admit to feeling like a drug addict coming down off a big mail-order high - itchy and shaky - for the first few weeks. But after that, I sucked it up. I did order a few things from QVC, but that doesn't count because they don't have a catalog. (Don't argue with me!)

But then a friend, who has a passion for gardening - one that I share - started nattering on about garden catalogs. The heritage seeds and one-of-a-kind blossoms and getting your order in before spring. She made me itchy. And suddenly I was rummaging through the trash for garden catalogs. Natch, didn't find any, but said friend gave me a few ideas. So here are five catalogs to get your garden groove on.

1. Heronswood. Oh, the hellebores, the dahlias, the starry-eyed navelworts. You get my drift. The catalog specializes in new and unusual plants. All beautiful. My favorite.

2. White Flower Farm. Their new spring perennials include gorgeous bellflower, columbine and dianthus. Plus you can browse their catalog online.

3. Thompson & Morgan. They have a Pink Parasol echinacea that is their "flower of the year." It's lovely. You also get two packs of seeds free with each order.

4. D. Landreth Seed Company. The oldest seed company in America has heirloom vegetable beauties, flowering bulbs and a children's garden collection. Their products have great names, like "Luther's German Red Strawberry Tomato." If you grow your own produce, this catalog is a joy.

5. The Cooks Garden. A great collection of summer, perennial and organic herbs and seeds. Also, garden collections, including baby vegetables, four-season lettuces and French chef's garden ingredients. A fun catalog for the gourmand.

Everybody cheats

Couldn't resist Crate&Barrel's new everyday catalog with my girl, Giada De Laurentis, on the cover. Luckily I only had to turn to page 3 to see that Giada is launching anew line of Italian specialty foods available only at C&B. Stuff like salt, vinegar and herbs. So tasty. But not tempting enough to make me give up my diet.